A new year invites new beginnings—and new stories. The way we talk to ourselves shapes how we lead, the goals we pursue, and the changes we believe are possible. Too often, we carry narratives that limit growth rather than inspire it. Therefore, in this issue of Howe’s Now Monthly, we explore a Harvard Business Review* perspective on change: If you want to change your outcomes, start by changing the story you tell yourself.
Why do our stories matter?
We often tell ourselves stories that shape the way we think and lead, such as, “Everything is always a battle around here.” As you repeat this story to yourself (often unconsciously), it becomes the script and routine that guides your actions.
If, for instance, you see your workplace as a battlefield, you expect hostility. As a result of this expectation, you’re always primed to attack and defend. You may assume that casualties are inevitable. You may also misinterpret people’s intentions and overlook opportunities to collaborate.
For better or for worse, our stories matter because they shape what we notice and how we interpret it. They inform our decision-making and our behavior. Often, these stories don’t serve us well. Therefore, if you want to make a change, now is the time to shift your guiding story to one that enables you to pursue new goals or do things differently.
Start by examining your stories.
The first step to authoring liberating stories is to identify and examine the stories you tell yourself and others. This helps you understand what you stand for and why you act and react the way you do. One way to examine your story is to identify a personal or collective challenge you’re facing. Then ask what is the basic story you tell yourself about this issue?
For example, assume you’re facing a challenge of burnout or loss of meaning in your work. Are you telling yourself the story that the success of your organization is all that matters at any cost? Or maybe you’re telling yourself the story that your work is your most defining characteristic. Identifying the story can help you solve this challenge.
Next, consider how the story affects you.
Once you’ve uncovered a guiding story, the next step is to examine its impact. Ask yourself whether it feels constraining or liberating. Does it support the person or leader you want to become? Does it help create the organization you want to build? Or does it create a gap between where you are now and the goals you hope to achieve?
Recognize your story wasn’t created in isolation.
Our guiding stories are rarely shaped in isolation. They are influenced by the people, cultures, and organizations around us. That’s why paying attention to the interpersonal side of our stories is essential when we want to grow or change. Shared narratives within teams or institutions often signal what is valued and how people are expected to behave. Over time, loyalty, expectations, and a desire to meet others’ standards can make it difficult to imagine acting differently. Recognizing these influences is a powerful step toward authoring a story that truly supports your own development and goals.
Determine what needs to change about your story.
If you find that one of your guiding stories is limiting you, the next step is to consider what you want to change, and how your story needs to shift to support that transition.
Your new story must feel both authentic and believable. For example, if your current story is “the success of my organization matters at all costs,” you likely won’t believe a new story that says, “the success of my organization doesn’t matter at all.” A more workable shift might be, “I want my organization to succeed, and taking care of myself allows me to contribute to that success.”
Start by identifying the elements of your story that truly reflect who you are and what you value. Let those serve as a meaningful foundation. Then adjust the parts of your story that need to evolve so they better support the goals you want to reach.
What new stories will you tell yourself this year?
Consider the following shifts from limiting stories to liberating stories:
Limiting Story: “I have to do everything myself to make sure it’s done right.”
Liberating Story: “I build strong systems and trust others so we can succeed together.”
Limiting Story: “I’m not in a formal leadership role, so my impact is limited.”
Liberating Story: “Leadership is about influence, not title, and I can make a difference from where I am.”
Limiting Story: “If I try something new and fail, it will define me.”
Liberating Story: “Every experiment teaches me something that moves me closer to success.”
Limiting Story: “I’m not ready yet. I need more experience before I step up.”
Liberating Story: “I grow by stepping into opportunities, not by waiting for the perfect moment.”
Limiting Story: “Needing help is a sign of weakness.”
Liberating Story: “Seeking input and support makes my work stronger.”
Limiting Story: “My role is small, so my impact is small.”
Liberating Story: “Small, consistent actions can create meaningful change.”
Limiting Story: “Opportunities come to other people, not me.”
Liberating Story: “I can create opportunities by showing up, contributing, and building relationships.”